Stepping out of the box

I've had a desire, a little tickling thought in the back of my head, ever since I was in high school.  I would like to be a model.  I imagine that's a desire expressed by a lot of girls.  What makes me different from other girls?  Not much, I suppose.

I've dabbled.  A tiny bit. While I was in college, I worked as the nude model for the figure drawing class.  Did a bit of private modeling for a few of the students.  But I've never really done any print work.  Applied to be a Suicide Girl, but wasn't accepted.

Being as stuck on body image as I am, I'm not sure if pursuing this idea if really a healthy idea or not.  But I do know that NOT pursuing it hasn't helped my body image any, and honestly, has probably made me a bit bitter.  I look in the mirror, and I don't see anything that would be worth a photographer's time.  Five years ago, perhaps, but not any more.

I look backwards, and regret not trying harder when I was younger.  Granted, I was living in a very small town at that point, and modeling wasn't really an option.  And now, I feel a twinge of jealousy every time I speak to Kitten about her venturing into modeling.  I truly am happy for her, and proud of her.  Indeed, she is amazing.  She has the look, the clothes, the experience wearing makeup, the attitude.  She's doing what I wish I had, and I can't help but wonder.  Could I still do it?  Would anyone actually want to photograph me now?  I'm nothing special, after all.

How do I go about it?  I see two possible routes.  One, try to appeal to photographers to take pictures with no money exchanged.  This would also mean that they had the rights to the photos.  (Of course, it'd be even better if they paid me, but they would still have the rights, and I need to prove myself before even considering that.)  Route two, pay for the photographs.  That would make me more of a customer than a model, but I could own the rights to my work.

Above all, I have to consider if I actually can.  I'm partial to fetish/erotic photography (and I expect I'd be more likely to succeed there,) but I have a professional career to consider.  There's always the chance that my photos would be found, floating around on the internet.  Especially if I choose route one.

Kitten may be a catalyst, but I'm not really considering this because of her.  I don't want to be her shadow, or get in her way.  I would love to pose with her, as long as I'm standing on my own ability.