The Amazing Beauty of Karma

Karma is a fascinating things.  Karma is like fate, kismet, the idea of "what goes around, comes around."  You reap what you sew.  Life has its ups and down.  There are definitely highlights and low points.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - this month has brought forth an upswing.  It's like all of a sudden, things have fallen snugly - joyfully - into place.  My board exam is finished, and while I haven't found out if I passed or not, the pressure is alleviated.  The people I work with like the way I do my job, and are wanting me to go full time.  Alpha has procured a job with a nice company, which pays well and he seems to enjoy.  And we've begun making more of an effort to be sociable with people we already know, and we're really making friends.

Update on E (And my obsessions)

I realized that I haven't been talking about my girls very much, and just jabbering on about myself and my drama.  This morning, I read over the post I made about A and E.  Well, let me tell you, E has made so much progress.  We go on walks consistently now, and she adores going on car rides.

Well, we're doing well, considering.  E has gotten comfortable enough with us that we have returned the crate we borrowed from the rescue.  She doesn't run away from us on every approach (but still flees quite often.)  I think we assumed/hoped that A would help E, and E would just follow her lead.  But I forgot how long it took A to figure out where to go.  And I think I took A's trainability for granted, and assumed that E would be just as quick to pick things up.  Well, E is getting started with life two years later than A, and has to cope with a lot more changes.  E has never seen grass before.  She'd never been in a household, or a real "pack" before.

Lady

We haven't seen her in weeks.  Haven't spent actual time with her in... probably two months.  Oh, there's been the occasional emergency babysitting, and we've been to the same parties.  But the three of us haven't been together since middle of July.  It was easy to say it was over; harder to make it feel real.  Even harder to believe it.

Better this way, I know.  She no longer fit the dating criteria, so it was time to be done.  I really hope we can still be friends, but I don't really know what she thinks of it all.  She's a hard person to read - someone who just flits in and out of your life in a whirl of charm and energy.  She's barely online to chat anymore.

On jealousy

I frequently (read, always) find myself jealous.  Usually of other women.  For any and every reason I can think of.  They're prettier, or I like their taste in clothes, or they squeal nicely when they get flogged.  Maybe they have a hardcore d/s relationship, and I wish I could be that submissive.  Or they're allowed to play with others, when I'm not.  Maybe they just own a nicer car.  Whatever.

But I get jealous.  I don't know why.  I mean, I have a great life.  My body isn't perfect, but I have nice curves.  And I'm not 19 anymore.  I know that.  And I don't actually want a hardcore d/s relationship.  I'm not interested in worshiping anyone's feet, or sleeping around.