Crazy adult life

Damnit.  I turned 27 three days ago, and I think it magically switched the switch between young adult and adult.  Grown up.  Old.  CRAP.
I feel way too old all of a sudden.  I'm dramatically, blindly throwing myself into a second, wish-filled quasi-career that is probably a huge mid-life crisis.  I recently faced (and am getting over) my first "adult" disease, and was rudely reminded of my own physical frailty.  Alpha and I are looking for a house, and we're probably in way over our heads.  We're hanging by a thread, and I keep pushing us forward, and he is being awesome and doing his best to keep my feet on the ground.  And on top of everything, the boards are looming.
I suck.
Last weekend was amazing.  And scary.  Horrible.  Fabulous.  And really, really disheartening.

Why, you ask?  We did a wild and crazy thing.  A group of acquaintances and local photographers gathered to make a mock snuff film.  Kitten played the victim, who was kidnapped, beaten, raped (off camera,) suffocated, and then her throat was slit.
I played the role of a "captive witness" - naked in a cage.  Basically, I hung out on set as a very decorative, whimpering prop.  I tried to be careful, and insisted that we use makeup to cover my tattoo, and my face was hidden by a bag over my head.  And overall, I had fun.  But it was very intense.
Part of why Alpha and I agreed to do it (I was asked to step in a week prior, after the original actress couldn't make it,) was to build rapport with these people.  These are some good people, and these are the photographers I want to work with.  And I super impressed them!  They said my whimpers were "chilling."  And both photographers have approached me about doing shoots.

There was a lawyer there.  I sent him a message afterwards, asking for advice.  Because, as much as I want, desperately, to model, I also can't afford to loose my job.  And it boils down to, be careful, but no, there's not much I can do.  If I do any kind of edgy, or fetish-y, or naked photos, I'm at risk.  Unless I buy the rights, which I can't really afford to do.
So now, I have to be responsible.  I have to make the "right" choice, and let that dream go.  Maybe try to work around do, and just do really nice, clothed shoots.  But it's disappointing.